I feel so bitter over everything. I hate feeling like this. It's a disgusting feeling that doesn't suit me.

People think they know me but they don't know anything about me. I never tell anyone my story.

And all people ever do is betray, lie about me and scheme against me.

I've always kind and giving towards other people but I never get what I want in life on top of all of the trials, betrayals and misfortunes. People are just so crude. You start to lose hope in humanity after awhile and wonder what is the point to anything. I've been through a lot, I've done a lot, I can do a lot and I've given a lot to other people as well. Some people just have really done me wrong. I always feel like I am waiting for something that may never come while pursuing ambitions on the side. I am sick and tired of negative haters ruining my life. I've never done anything negative to anyone.

I've waited patiently as I saw my mother and sister get everything while I had to give unto everyone else while I got blamed and punished for things I never did. I watched patiently as I saw my friends getting everything while I was always their submissive friend that they would selfishly control and demand from. I patiently watched all of the people who ever hurt me for no good reason at all getting everything. I patiently watched my ex boyfriend get everything even though I put up with some of the negative stuff he would dish out and while I was a good girlfriend. I patiently watched as some of my past co-workers who did me wrong get away with what they did to me while I got let go. I patiently watched as some of my enemies lied about and got a populace against me while they got away with everything. I patiently watched every guy I ever liked be manipulated/tricked/deterred away from me. I patiently dealt with my father ruining my dreams with piano and moving me to another city where I had dealt with more negativity. I too have struggled and had endured hardship. I patiently watched all of the negative and hateful people around my neighborhood be given everything and them hating and practically trying to kill me while their story doesn't even match up to mine.

I've been living in this community, I've served in it, I've created a name for myself without recognition, I've volunteered, I've heard their story, I've even cared and loved these people only for them to betray, manipulative, connive, lie about and hurt me. They take away everything without realizing everything that I had done for them and not knowing how my story in particular as an individual has been much greater than theirs. At least they have each other, I am alone in this community as a minority within a minority ghetto so there is NO WAY that your struggles are worse than mine. I've endured whatever this was in Los Angeles on top of everything else in my life. I've ALWAYS endured alone and through adversity as well and it's been really hard.

There is a lot to my story and then there are sub-stories that I never tell anyone AND I've been a very kind and giving person to sometimes undeserving people. I am starting to lose my patience and threshold after for people after 26 years and sometimes I am not sure what I can do. I'm sick of people never believing me and berating me while listening to the hateful/negative/manipulative lies of others.